okay this is kind of major. charlie wants us to have sex. he didnt actually say it that way just straight out like that but he does. i can tell. he says little things like i want to be closer to you. i want to know everything about you. and then he does things you know and i kind of let him and then i stop him and hes like why are we even putting anything off till the future when there probably isnt even a future.
i dont have like some genius answer. maybe i should ask astrid what to say because everyone says she and sam are having problems. shes a good person i think but shes also kind of a b–ch and kind of a user.
i shouldnt have said that. now shell get killed and illl be all guilty.
i found some tomato seeds today and im wondering if i should try again. i cant believe how messed up i got over some stupid plants. but it was like they were my pets or something you know. in this place you dont want to take risks you know. you dont want to care about anything because the anything will get taken away. which is maybe what i should tell charlie. like charlie dont you get it that the fayz is where everything dies especially anything you care about.
sometimes i wonder though.
i guess i better try and grow some more veggies just so i can trade them for solar charger time and keep up this stupid journal no one will ever read. because i feel better when i write. hear that stranger who will never ever read this i feel better when i can talk to you.
all of sherman street is burned down. no one knows for sure who did it. kids say it was caine or it was sam or it was zil. kids saw all three of them kind of in the middle as it was burning. im coughing right now because the smoke was in my lungs. the smell is everywhere. the whole street is gray you wouldnt believe it. ashes on everything and at least half the houses burned down or mostly burned down.
joanie died. at least people heard her screaming and no one saw her come out. all that happened yesterday and no one has seen her yet. so yeah she probably died from burning or from choking. what kind of sick sick sick person does that. throwing gasoline bombs on peoples houses with them inside.
it wasnt like joanie was a friend really and we had an argument once over some stupid thing like i loaned her some soap back when we had water and she never paid me back only she said she did and really i dont know. and then shes dead. i cant be mean to anyone because you cant go around hating on people who might end up dead. and in this place that happens. we should all be so nice to each other because we are all trapped together.
but thats not the way it works is it.
orsay is saying all our parents and all are just outside the barrier waiting for us. sometimes i am so sick inside i almost start listening to her. why hold onto this.
the fire burned up my carrots and my tomatoes. not like burned but the heat just shriveled everything so the vines are all brittle and hard. i cried so hard over that. more than for the kids who got killed or hurt which is like so wrong. but its how i felt.
i hate this place. i want to go home. and no this is not my home.
so okay you probably dont care about carrots you – like you exist like anyone is ever going to read this. nuts. crazy. but anyway the thing is my carrots and also my tomatoes grow really really fast. like in three days instead of weeks.
jezzie thinks maybe im a freak. like thats my power. to make veggies grow really fast. which is way lame you have to admit as a power. the only good thing is i wouldn’t want a power like brianna has because every time something bad happens she gets dragged into it. shes kind of cool although i didnt like her at first because i thought she was too into herself. the breeze. i mean please i do not call myself the fertilizer.
anyway just in case there really is someone reading this i am kind of into charlie and he is kind of into me. i think. who knows. seriously who knows. roscoe and i are over but hes still a friend and he kind of lives here some of the time. that will sound weird to people who read this some day but look its the fayz so deal with it. charlie helped me pull my own tooth with me crying and snotting and all and he still says he loves me which is cool because seriously if youd seen what i looked like yikes.
i think i should
joanies house is on fire. kids are yelling.